Christmas in JULY !?!?!?!?! WTF!?!?!?!?!

So I get to the front desk this morning and begin to hear about how glorious is the day Christ was born uhhhh HELLO WASH FM this is 2 days after I WAS BORN !!!! Play JM all day not Xmas shit which btw instantly made me think of a certain song. If i could change a few small details about the lyrics this would be the ballad of "John Stamos & I "



Here comes the cold

Break out the winter clothes

And find a love to call your own

You - enter you

Your cheeks a shade of pink

And the rest of you in powder blue

Who knows what will be

But I'll make you this guarantee

No way November will see our goodbye

When it comes to December it's obvious why

No one wants to be alone at Christmas time

In the dark, on the phone

You tell me the names of your brothers

And your favorite colors

I'm learning you

And when it snows again

We'll take a walk outside

And search the sky

Like children do I'll say to you

No way November will see our goodbye

When it comes to December it's obvious why

No one wants to be alone at Christmas time

And come January we're frozen inside

Making new resolutions a hundred times

February, won't you be my valentine?

And we'll both be safe 'til St. Patrick's Day

We should take a ride tonight around the town and look around at all the beautiful houses

Something in the way that blue lights on a black night can make you feel more

Everybody, it seems to me, just wants to be

Just like you and me No one wants to be alone at Christmas time

Come January we're frozen inside

Making new resolutions a hundred times

February, won't you be my valentine?

And if our always is all that we gave

And we someday take that away

I'll be alright if it was just 'til St. Patrick's Day



Just change the month names and there you have it . . .



This song to me at least symbolizes Starting off dating someone a relationship if you will and knowing deep down inside the expiration date is soon on its way, How else could he know such a definitive date.Somehow we as humans believe that we have the power within ourselves to change things we don't like. We believe if we want something bad enough we will get it. Somehow when your in the situation its so easy to only remember the beautiful snow covered houses and not remember the dirty drifts of snow scrapped up onto the curb. I still remember the first time I met him, he somehow really did have an aura of Powder blue about him , weird how stuff like that happens when you least expect it. The one thing I can say without ANY DOUBTS is My always is all that I gave and today is the day I'm taking it away . . . to give to someone who wants it who wants to make me happy who cares about MY feelings

I woke up this morning feeling old . . .

Well yesterday was the BIG 22 and I must say I feel decrepit, as of late I am finding out people really do read this piece of self important crap , so maybe I should start to vent more often

Anyhow once again rather then unleash my thoughts upon this poor keyboard and risk being crucified or made to feel like a horrible person ( One and the same in this instance) for being honest and using this as a safe outlet for my emotions I will post some lyrics to songs that I feel better describe what i am going through rather then bring unnecessary drama upon myself I will just stick to posting lyrics about the aforementioned issue because I think each song will speak to the person its supposed to and only that individual will know what it means



Like a Star- Corinne Bailey Rae Lyrics
Just like a star across my sky
Just like an angel off the page
You have appeared to my life
Feel like I'll never be the same
Just like a song in my heart
Just like oil on my hands
Only to love you
Still i wonder why it is
I don't argue like this
With anyone but you
We do it all the time
Blowing out my mind
You've got this look i can't describe
You make me feel like I'm alive
When everything else is au fait
Without a doubt you're on my side
Heaven has been away too long
Can't find the words to write this song
Oh...Your love
Still i wonder why it is
I don't argue like this,With anyone but you
We do it all the time,Blowing out my mind
I have come to understand
The way it is, It's not a secret anymore,'cause we've been through that before
From tonight I know that you're the only one
I've been confused and in the dark
Now I understand,I wonder why it is
I don't argue like this
With anyone but you
I wonder why it is
I wont let my guard down
To anyone but you
We do it all the time
Blowing out my mind
Just like a star across my sky
Just like an angel off the page
You have appeared to my life
Feel like I'll never be the same
Just like a song in my heart
Just like oil on my hands

Why Did you mess with Forever? John Mayer( Not everything about this song applies but its the same general sentiment)(plus had to throw this one in because you are so fond of him)
I came by to get my things
Thank you for getting the door
But I don't feel right walking in no more
You think it's cold I did my crying at home
But I'm numb now, I'm numb now
Before I'm on my way
I've one more thing to ask
Was it worth the price you paid
For my never coming back
Why did you mess with forever?
Such a long time to be unkind
Why did you mess with forever?
Don't you call me cruel
Cruel's what you're making me do
I stick to my rules I'm at odds with me now
So stay, don't go ahead and stay
Before I'm on my way
I've one more thing to ask
Was it worth the price you paid
For my never coming back
Why did you mess with forever?
Such a long time to be unkind
Why did you mess with forever?
You asked to kiss me once goodbye
But you already did
On somebody else's lips
Tell the tiny chemicals
The ones you hold responsible
They lost me
YOU lost me
Now everything inside me tells me I should run to you and throw my arms around you
Hold your steamin,crying cheek against my own and tell you nothing's wrong
But wrong is what you were when you forgot that
We were going on
We were going on
We were going on
Tell me why did you, why did you mess with forever?
What a long time be unkind
Why did you mess with forever?


Waiting in Vain- Bob Marley
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
From the very first time I blessed my eyes on you, girl
My heart says, "Follow through."
But I know now that I'm way down on your line
But the waiting feel is fine
So don't treat me like a puppet on a string'
Cause I know how to do my thing
Don't talk to me as if you think I'm dumb I wanna know when you're gonna come
See, I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
'Cause it's summer is here
I'm still waiting there
Winter is here and I'm still waiting there
Like I said,It's been three years since I'm knocking on your door
And I still can knock some more
Ooh, girl, ooh, girl
Is it feasible, I wanna know now
For I to knock some more?
Ya see, in life I know there's lots of grief
But your love is my relief
Tears in my eyes burn
Tears in my eyes burn while I'm waiting
While I'm waiting for my turn.
See, I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love
Oh, I don't wanna,
I don't wanna
I don't wanna, I don't wanna
No, I don't wanna, I don't wanna
I don't wanna, I don't wanna
I don't wanna wait in vain.
It's your love that I'm waiting on
It's my love that you're running from.

And to finish off Some of the simplistic lyrical genius that is Citizen Cope

My Way Home
Sometimes I miss a step
I stumble here and there
I'm findin' my way home
If I'm lost then I'll admit
Sometimes i plain forget
I'm findin' my way home
You can try and stand in my way
You can say what you're gonna say
But I'm finding my way home

Sideways
You know it ain't easy
For these thoughts here to leave me
There's no words to describe it
In French or in English
Well, diamonds they fade
And flowers they bloom
And I'm telling you
These feelings won't go away
They've been knockin' me sideways
They've been knockin' me out lately
Whenever you come around me
These feelings won't go away
They've been knockin' me sideways
I keep thinking in a moment that
Time will take them away
But these feelings won't go away. . .

A few choice songs to describe this weekend's events

Staind - Believe
I sit alone and watch the clock Tryin to collect my thoughts
All I think about is you And so I cry myself to sleep
And hope the devil, I don't meet In the Dreams that I live through
Believe in me I know you've waited for so long
Believe in me Sometimes the weak become the strong
Believe in me This life is not always what it seems
Believe in me Cause I was made for chasing dreams
All the smiles you've had to fake And all the bullshit you've had to take
Just to lead us here again I never have the things to say
To make it all just go away To make it all just disappear
Believe in me I know you've waited for so long
Believe in me Sometimes the weak become the strong
Believe in me This life is not always what it seems
Believe in me Cause I was made for chasing dreams
It's my life It's my choice Hear my words Hear my voice
So just believe I sit alone and watch the clock
Tryin to collect my thoughts All I think about is you
If you believe in me Life not always what it seems
Believe in me Cause I was made for chasing dreams.
Believe in me I know you've waited for so long
Believe in me Sometimes the weak become the strong
Believe in me This life is not always what it seems
Believe in me Cause I was made for chasing dreams

Carolina Liar- Better Alone
Don't you hope
We can start again
Endings are old
But they help you see
Can't quite believe
All of this and what it means
You've become so bitter
You think you're better alone
For the sake of your sanity
It won't hurt a soul
If you just learn to breathe, again
You never had the nerve to begin with
You think you're better alone
Been here before
Seeking safety or something to blame
You feel so hollow
You could swear that you've grown
Where did you think
As big as your dream
You've become so bitter
You think you're better alone
For the sake of your sanity
It won't hurt a soul
If you just learn to breathe, again
You never had the nerve to begin with
You think you're better alone
Never had the nerve to begin with
Got to come to your senses
You think you're better alone
For the sake of your sanity
It won't hurt a soul
If you just learn to breathe, again
You think you're better alone
It won't hurt a soul

One Republic-Prodigal
We say good-bye I turn my back
Run away, run away So predictable
Not far from here You see me crack
Like a bone, like a bone I'm so breakable
And I take everything from you
But you'll take anything Won't you?
Run away, run away Like a prodigal
Don't you wait for me Don't you wait for me
So ashamed, so ashamed But I need you so
And you wait for me And you wait for me
I'm on the road To who knows where? Look ahead, not behind I keep saying
There's no place to go Where you're not there
On your rope, I hold tight But it's fraying
And I take everything from you But you'll take anything Won't you?
Run away, run away Like a prodigal
Don't you wait for me Don't you wait for me
So ashamed, so ashamed But I need you so
And you wait for me And you wait for me
Everybody wants to be right
But only if it's not day light? I keep trying to find my way back My way back
Run away, run away Like a prodigal Don't you wait for me
Don't you wait for me So ashamed, so ashamed
But I need you so And you wait for me
And you wait for me
Runaway
Runaway
Runaway
From you
From you
From you

Citizen Cope-Theresa
Your Breathing
Don't happen
By yourself
Alone
Is no
Way to live
This feeling
It don't happen
By yourself
Alone Is no
Way to live
We could love
We can love
One another

Maroon5-Sweetest Goodbye
Where you are seems to be
As far as an eternity
Outstretched arms open hearts
And if it never ends then when do we start?
I’ll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
and with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive
Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you come back
I have some things to say
How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how i
Dream away everyday
Try so hard to disregard
The rhythm of the rain that drops
And coincides with the beating of my heart
I’ll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye That I ever did receive
Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you comeback I have some things to say
How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I feel

John Legend- Another Again
So we did it again
Knowing we should quit it, but we simply won’t admit it again
Oh it feels good, it’s so good, but I won’t do it again
It’s so dramatic again After we go at it, we get mad then we go at it again
Oh I love it, then I hate it, she’s my favorite again
I’m wasting time I can’t help it she’s so fine
Oh I like her style And I love the way she talks and I smile
As much as we may try Can’t quite see eye to eye
So in the meantime, I guess we say bye-bye(And again and again and again)
Oh, and then, we do it again
We do it again and we do it again
Oh, and then, we do it again
We want it again, and we want it again
So we fake it again I think we’re gonna blow it, and we know it
But she’s naked again We get wasted, then I taste it, then I waste it again
I can’t invite her again‘ Cause she’ll go from a lover to a fighter
And I’ll fight her again So it’s over, but I told her to come over again
I’m wasting time But she’s always on my mind
I can’t let her go Oh, she’s not the best, but she’s all that I know
As much as we may try Can’t quite see eye to eye
So in the meantime I guess we say bye bye(And again and again and again)
Oh, and then, we do it again We do it again and we do it again
Oh, and then, we do it again We want it again, and we want it again
So I’ve got a new friend I wish I could forget you
But I miss you, wanna kiss you again
She’s like you, but she’s not you, gotta find you again
So we remember again The middle of December and I took you out to dinner again
Oh I love her, it’s not over, just another again(And again and again and again)
Oh, it’s another again I love her, it’s another again

Please keep me "Where the Light Is"

I wrote this after a particularly trying day with "Goobs" , basically telling me I guilt trip him into feeling bad about things in my life How one can do this??? I am still perplexed by that accusation but this is what came out as a result of that:

How do you let go of someone when you still care about them but they clearly have stopped having feelings towards you or maybe just maybe they never had any to begin with ?

How can you ever really know if its real ?
If they are false how can we ever trust our emotions to anyone again ?

More importantly how do you erase the memories that are connected to places , smells, songs that remind you of the times you spent with that person ?

I'm hoping John’s ideas on getting over someone will help me avoidance and telling yourself never mind . . . . but this poses another question How can that possibly be enough to forget someone ?

Why do the good memories always out weight the bad ? How come we can take ourselves out of a situation and see it for the abusive dysfunctional thing that is was but somehow those tiny glimmers out weight all of the horrific things you put up with when you are in it ?

NEVER will I understand why you can give your entire heart to someone and want with every cell in your body to be that one person who makes them happy , that one person to save them why isn't that enough? why cant we will things to happen in this world ? I guess no matter what you do you can not make someone see what they don't want to see . . . So I guess its back to the old mantra “I refuse to believe that my life’s gunna be just some string of in completes . . . .”
This JM song was an oldie that he did for his live CD DVD, It’s funny his music always seems to come at a time in my life when I need it here it is “In Your Atmosphere”

I don’t think I’m gonna go to LA anymore

I don’t think I’m gonna go to LA anymore

I don’t know what it’s like to blame you

Nothing’s true I don’t think I’m gonna go to LA anymore
I don’t think I’m gonna go to LA anymore

I’m not sure that I really ever could

Hold on to a hotel key in a Bedroom neighborhood

and go sleep-walking in Hollywood
I’m gonna steer clear

Burn up in your atmosphere

I’m gonna steer clear

Cus I’d die if I saw you

I’d die if I didn’t see you there

So I don’t think I’m gonna go to LA anymore
Cus I miss you

It sucks that I’m not mad
I don't think I’m gonna go to LA anymore

I get lost on the boulevard at night

Without your voice to tell me I love you, take a right

the ten and the two is a lonely sight
I’m gonna steer clear

Burn up in your atmosphere

I’m gonna steer clear

Cus I’d die if I saw you

I’d die if I didn’t see you
I’m gonna steer clear

Burn up in your atmosphere

I’m gonna steer clear

Cus I’d die if I saw you

I’d die if I didn’t see you there see you there
I think I’m gonna stay gonna stay gonna stay in the gray gonna stay

All the street lights say never mind never mind

All the canyon lines say never mind

Sunset says we see it all the time, never mind, never mind

Could my love of John Mayer be Holding me back from finding love ?

For the last 7 months I have been for lack of a better term "seeing" a guy who will be referred to as "Goobs" for the purpose of this blog. He has serious issues(commitment & mental) along the same vein as my own, I guess sometimes in life we want to feel like we can help someone , because we see ourselves in that person or their situation and we are unable to help ourselves, Since i originally wrote this I have been giving him space , this however is depressing on its own , the with drawl of not having him in my life is unbearable.

This week on the heels of seeing JM live and Goobs deleting me from the Facebook page (that I made for him), I felt it necessary to tell him , It hurts to feel like someone is trying to erase you from the last half year of their lives, to which he told me he wasn't, he just needed space a euphemism for "I don't want to be with you"(at least in my opinion). I broke down yesterday and asked him to Snoop and 311 (free tix from work) this Sunday this will be the first face to face interaction between us in over 2 weeks I guess what I'm really wondering where exactly on the awkward moments scale this will fall hopefully for my sake it wont be TOO horrific.

So this is my first real blog and I have to say it feels good, Somehow it is such a release to write this down, no matter if anyone reads it or not. With my upcoming birthday (next Wed.) and my own choice for the date I stop putting up with all of "Goobs" BS . I said to myself in the very beginning I will give him until my birthday. I have dated emotionally unavailable people in the past , and they at least monetarily could should me how they felt.I would far prefer kind words , or loving gestures , but if spending $$$$ is the only way you can tell someone about your feelings for them , to each his own. I figure this is the perfect opportunity, show me you care , show me that one day you want to be with me . . . . this may be your last chance

Old JM blog: So I pose to my self this rhetorical question of sorts
Could my love and passion for something bigger then myself be preventing me from finding love elsewhere in my life?
A huge part of me fights this idea to its core, I suppose that’s the part of me that knows with out him, with out certain songs (St. Patrick’s Day) and certain albums (Heavier Things), the very “Jennie” that people love would cease to exist.

John Mayer’s Music helped me get through times where I felt alone in this world as we all sometimes do , I felt so hurt, so forgotten and when I found this amazing music I felt it speak to my heart , my very sense of existence, it let me know that one day it would all be ok , there was a place for me in this world and there was someone out there who knew how I felt and was making music that connected to my heart.
This part of me feels like you should never judge people because of the significance they attach to a thing, place or person. If they have by some stroke of luck found that one thing that makes them so sublimely happy or can keep them from falling off a precarious ledge who are we to judge them for it ? Maybe people’s lack of insight on my exact relationship with his music is frustrating to them and their defense mechanism is to “hate on him“ because it’s far easier then trying to delve into why.

When I try to look at the situation from another perspective (an ability I think most in this world lack) I could see how someone might feel threatened by my devotion to someone who I have yet to even meet yet, They might feel overshadowed by my love of his music, or think that because I devote so much emotion to it I couldn’t possibly have an extra to put forth towards a relationship. Or perhaps people feel threatened, I think some people (the truly awake people) search for what I have stumbled upon their wholes lives, YES he might not love me back and YES there is a chance we may never meet and I may never get to speak the words to somehow try and express my gratitude for his musical genius, But that’s ok life is never certain, My undying, unexplainable devotion to him will never wane, No matter the tabloid headline or what anyone else thinks about him , and somehow that’s enough for me.

Upon pondering my thoughts while writing this I have decided it is the passion with which we love in life that Matters, we can have no control over the other thing or person loving us back, all we can do is send forth all of our blind love and hope that somehow in this wonderfully magic place we live can retain our feelings somehow send them out to that person or thing.
In closing I have decided a few things
1.Extreme passion scares some people

2.Some people will always be to dense to ever get it

3.All you need is Love , not to feel loved from an outside source, but to feel undying love in your heart something far greater then yourself

THAT my friends is the greatest thing you will ever learn